I think there is a time for everything, and I feel like I am in mourning. Our little son Dillon was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes 3 days ago. I think I have cried more in 3 days than in the whole 32 years I have been alive. I have been an emotional wreck, especially the first time I had to give him his insulin shot and he hid behind his hospital bed and screamed and yelled, "I hate shots, I hate shots", we had to hold him down and afterward he was mad at me and said I hurt him. I broke down thinking, how can I "hurt" my child, but I have to or he will not live.
All in all, Dillon is doing amazing, it is awe inspiring to watch him accept and trust the doctors and nurses and his parents. I am not saying he loves getting shots, but he is learning to accept this little by little. I thank God for the miracles of modern medicine. So many discoveries have been made even in the last 6 years to help diabetics. The needle size even is so teeny, Stephen and I had to give each other shots of saline so we could practice and I was amazed how you could barely feel it. Also the fact that we discovered he had this on his well child visit before he got really sick was a blessing in itself.
I am sad over losing our old way of life, of realizing that we need to give him 5 or more insulin shots a day, over him hiding every time we mention it's time to eat and we need to make sure he can eat and therefore he needs a shot, I am sad because when he goes out and plays in the snow, I worry constantly that his blood sugar might be too low, I am sad because we have to poke his finger at least 5 times a day to make sure he is in the "range". I think of his blood sugar "range" being within the normal numbers constantly. I am thinking of him living with this disease for the rest of his life, and it is not only his disease, but now our whole family's disease.
I don't know if a Target pharmacist has ever seen anyone openly cry at a bill before, well now she has--$700 every month! I had to run into the bathroom, and cry, good thing Stephen was there to pay for it, I wanted to yell and scream, this is not fair, why him, why us? Now there are 2 huge boxes of syringes on our counter and insulin in our refrigerator, and I cried over that today.
I am glad that Dillon can eat normally like everyone else, we just need to know what he is eating, snacks are a little different, but yes, he can eat sugar and he is not on a rigid diet, like they needed to be in the past, which yes, is a blessing.
It is amazing how life can change so quickly, but I am also glad that I have the knowledge of eternal families and that no matter what happens to us and our physical bodies on this earth, we are first and foremost spiritual beings, children of a Heavenly Father who loves us. I think through time the acceptance will come, the questions will be replaced by peace and we will understand.
I hope that the lessons we are learning will be ones that make us more compassionate toward others, to help others who might be struggling in life, and all in all I know that through this experience, we will be a better and stronger family.
I know a lot of people are praying for us, thank you, we appreciate that!
I didn't get a picture of the room that I thought they enjoyed the most, it was called World Market, where they have a town set up kid size and they can go in the grocery store/post office/restaurant/bus, etc. Sam was fun to watch as he pretended to be a grocery store clerk, it made me realize just how smart that little boy is. I already get a little weepy thinking of him venturing off to Kindergarten this Fall.
